7. Bubble Bath

Rachel knew she was going to be dead in five minutes.

This was not a movie or a cheesy TV show with some lame last minute rescue. This was real life. Her real life, where there were no close friends or family who gave a crap.

Rachel was lying naked in a full hot bath. She held a sharp steak knife in her hands and played it with. She twirled it, turned it and poked gently at the sharp edge with her fingers.

She even added bubbles liquid to the running water out of habit and was now surrounded with rich thick foam which made her feel a bit silly.

Who is going to find her body? Her parents were dead. Rachel had no siblings and no real friends, none that could be classified as best friends or even close friends. She was currently unemployed, so no one is going to miss her at work. She supposed the landlady will eventually come inside to ask for the rent.

Rachel almost felt guilty about traumatizing the landlady with finding her dead bloated corpse in the bath in a few days or weeks from now, but not really. The landlady was an obnoxious bitch.

Rachel genuinely did not believe anyone else will come looking for her. Her casual friends will just assume that she has moved or simply drifted away the way many casual friendships end unceremonially. Rachel was always surprised by the sound of her cellphone ringing since it was such a rare occurrence.

Is it really that hard to reach out and make friends? It probably was her fault.

“No one is going to love you until you love yourself.” That was one of the only things Rachel remembered her mother saying to her. Rachel did not love herself.

Lying in the aromatic bubble bath, Rachel almost forgot for a second the reason she was there. She was almost having fun, until her despair pounced on her and took her breath away.

Killing herself was something that was entirely up to her. The idea of taking out a life was very empowering, even if it is your own. There were so many things in life that were out of Rachel’s control. In fact, most things were out of her control – but not this. No one could stop her. Even if there was some last minute rescue this time, if Rachel was determined to kill herself, sooner or later she would get the chance. The idea was comforting.

Rachel knew she was going to be dead in five minutes. There was nothing anyone could do about it.

Except for Rachel. She could save her own life by deciding not to take it. She can always kill herself later. She has the rest of her life for that. The idea of saving a life is very empowering, even if it is your own.

Rachel put down the knife on the floor by the bath and picked up her book.