3. Ellen's Blog

I have to write this and get this over with otherwise my head will explode.

My blog isn’t a secret. I write it under my real name and I do mention it to people if it’s in context with the conversation. So some people at work have found out about my blog and then I guess many started following it. More than once I walked around the office and caught a glimpse of my blog on someone’s screen.

Great, right? Traffic is traffic. It’s not like my blog is some secret personal diary with lots of intimate details about my sex life or state of mind. I don’t share anything I’m not comfortable sharing.

It’s not my co-workers I should be worrying about, but the entire human race. Almost two billion people use the internet nowadays and they can all Google me or land at my blog by chance while looking for something else entirely. The only concern I have is writing something stupid that a potential future boss might read before deciding not to hire me. The rest I couldn’t care less about.

So I often Google myself to make sure the first few result pages are not too embarrassing. With basic search engine optimization it is not that hard to tweak the results a bit and boost up blog posts that cast me in a more positive light. There, my secret is exposed!

Anyway, back to my original point – about my head exploding if I don’t get this off my chest.

Over the last few weeks more and more co-workers have been sharing the weirdest and most inappropriate stories with me and act like complete morons. It took me a while to figure out what they were doing: the losers were trying to leave an impression and get a mention in my blog.

How pathetic is that?

Well, mission accomplished!

Rob Steinberg, nobody cares about the idiotic anecdotes about your cat using the toilet and flushing or that your grandma used to date Anthony Hopkins in high school. If you think it’s that interesting start your own blog.

Lisa Brown, how wonderful that you were cast as the lead in the local community theatre production of Romeo and Juliet. Your behind the scenes anecdotes are dull and your voice makes me wanna stick a fork in my ear and twirl it. Can’t imagine sitting through two hours of your “acting”, not even if someone paid me a million dollars. And if someone did pay me a million dollars I would use that money to buy the theatre and cancel the production.

Jake Nelson, your political views are shallow cut and paste crap that you parrot without really understanding. Repeating something you read off a car bumper sticker isn’t insightful enough to merit a mention in my blog.

So there, happy? Please stop bothering me at work with the intention to get into my blog, because you might just get what you want.

OK, I feel much better now.